


A Mess of Emotions

by ughfitz (wokemeup)



Series: Bed Talks [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Coda Challenge @The FitzSimmons Network, F/M, bed talks, post 4x05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 11:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8400073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wokemeup/pseuds/ughfitz
Summary: Jemma deals with a mess of emotions and Fitz helps her sort them out. (Post 4x05)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Headcanon that by the end of the day, Jemma sort of wound herself up and is now Angry™ (but mostly just, ya know, feeling all sorts of feels and her brain is a little confounded by all of them). Sometimes, emotions really suck. 
> 
>  A song that sets the mood: She Used To Be Mine (Jessie Mueller version)

Her relationship with Fitz had been near perfect. Sure, they had had their typical rows like any normal couple, and sure his messiness sometimes bothered her. Feelings of crankiness and frustration were common, especially with the extra stress she had going on from her new promotion. But new emotions had arisen since their last fight, and they were  foreign and unsettling. 

 

She was mad at Fitz, mad (and perhaps a little jealous) at Radcliffe for taking up all of Fitz’s free time, mad at Daisy for leaving, mad at the Director for forcing her to figure out how to turn the tables, and mad at herself. She was so angry, so shaken, it was startling to feel her emotions so riled up. Now, as she stood outside of their room, hand hovering over the doorknob, she was surprised to find she dreaded entering the confines of their shared small space. 

 

Pushing open the door, she sighed, whether from relief or sadness, she wasn’t certain, realizing that Fitz had yet to come back. Jemma allowed herself a small modicum of comfort in having some peace and quiet. Blindly going through her nightly routine, her movements perhaps a bit sharper than needing to be, she finally allowed herself to sink into the bed, her arms coming up to shield her eyes from the small amount of light pouring from the bedside lamp.

 

Long days were usual for her. Stressful days were the norm. But now that these combined with the irrational hurt, anger, and betrayal she felt from not just Fitz, but from everyone, her body completely drained. She felt heavy and uncomfortable in her own body, her mind buzzing with this thought and that, she wished she could just float away from her own clouded mind. 

 

She couldn’t explain why she was so upset. She knew, of course, that Fitz had kept AIDA from her because he was just looking out for her. She knew that Radcliffe was a great asset to them all and his creations, AIDA included, were truly amazing. She knew that Daisy was likely just as confused as she was and needed some time to let things settle. She knew going into it that working with the Director was like working with fire. And she  _ knew _ that she was allowed to not always be perfect. Rationally, she knew all of these things, emotionally, she couldn’t reconcile them.

 

Her mind was so loud and distracting, she didn’t hear the silent click of the door or the soft padding of his feet across the floor. Only when she felt the bed dip beside her and his hand rest on her thigh did she realize Fitz had come back to her.  

 

After struggling to pull herself up, finally sitting, her eyes pointedly looked at her fiddling hands,  refusing to look up at him. Tentatively, she felt him lift his arm and delicately drape it across her shoulders. Feeling him against her, the dam finally broke, and her mess of emotions began spilling out from her small frame. 

 

As she sagged against him, hot angry tears poured from her eyes, the last of her fight - hurt, anger, sadness - all dripped out of her as his warmth enveloped her. He was her rock, her guiding light, her heart, her soul. He didn’t need to say anything to ease her. He knew her better than she knew herself, and tonight, she simply needed to be by him. She let herself go, letting him take the pain away, not caring as the mess of tears and makeup stained his shirt or whether she was squeezing him a little too tight. They sat in bed together for an indeterminable amount of time, him holding her, rocking slowly, gently stroking her trembling form. 

 

Some time later, after her body dried of tears, nearly numb, that he laid her back in their bed and tucked her in. As he got up and walked to their bathroom, she closed her eyes and breathed in his lingering scent that clung to his pillow. Sighing, her breath hiccupping out in choppy bursts, she barely moved when Fitz crawled back into bed. Scooching his way closer to her and propping her head against his shoulder in their usual sleeping position, they both were quiet, the room humming with a deafening silence. 

 

“Sorry,” Fitz whispered out, his voice cracking, betraying his true emotions. “I’m  _ so _ sorry, Jemma. I...I know I messe-”

 

“Stop,” she cut him off, her voice pleading for him to stop that self-blame. Turning to look up him, she reached out her free hand to cup his cheek, his blue eyes glistening with unshed tears, her own eyes mirroring his. “Just stop. It’s - it’s not your fault. I got angry, unreasonably so, and I just sort of took it all out on you.”

 

“No, Jemma. You are entitled to your feelings, you’re allowed to be mad, you  _ should _ get to feel these things!” Rubbing his hand over his eyes, he sighed out in frustration. “I think, maybe...I think we’re both a little right and both a little wrong. I’m sorry for not telling you about AIDA. Jemma, it’s just, I can’t...I can’t,” his voice broke off as he fought back a purging of emotions. “I don’t have it in me to lose you again. I would do  _ anything _ to keep you safe. And maybe I went too far, or, I don’t know. But Jemma, I was just trying to protect you.” His voice faded out, all of his anguish and fears had boiled over and left him raw and drained. 

 

“Oh, Fitz,” Jemma cooed. “Logically, of course I knew that’s what you were doing. And of course it was the logical thing to do. You were just looking out for me, and I…”

 

Taking a moment to collect her thoughts, she finally looked back up into his eyes. “I’m sorry too, Fitz. I’ve just--I’ve been so stressed with everything, and I was mad at you, mad at Radcliffe, which is ridiculous, mad at Daisy, mad at the Director, but mostly, I suppose, I was mad at myself. I just, I thought that by moving up I would be able to protect everyone and stop hurting them. But, it seems I’m only driving a wedge between myself and everyone else. Most importantly, I feel like I’m digging this huge chasm between me and you. I figured that once we got together, after everything that we had gone through, maybe perhaps the cosmos would be lenient on us. But it seems that will simply never be the case!” She let out a frustrated sigh. 

Fitz took in a deep breath, closed his eyes, and let the guilt wash over him. “I’m so sorry, Jemma. I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s true. I’m sorry you had all of this hanging over you and that you felt like you had to take it on all by yourself. I’m sorry I tried to brush it off with a joke, I was just trying to make us both feel better, I suppose.” Leaning down to press his lips to hers, he heard her sigh in relief, the worst of the storm having passed. 

 

“I know you were Fitz, really, you’ve been the best. I’m sorry I snapped at you.” Fitz gave her a look that told her her ‘outburst’ was far from the momentous event she was making it out to be. “Besides,” she continued, “it appears we won’t be needing to hold any top secrets from each other any longer.”

 

“What do you mean?” Fitz perked up, curious.

 

“Well, as it turns out, I’m still decidedly  _ not _ the best at lying, however, my Dr. Watson deduction skills are still rather top notch and I caught the Director in a lie and now have a little bit of power over him.” She stilled for a moment, her mind whirring with thoughts. “Oh, Fitz, I’m not sure we can really trust him,” she moaned and hid her face in his chest, his arms circling around her protectively. “It’s not like I trusted him all that much before, it’s just now...he’s hiding something and I fear it could get us all in danger.”

 

Kissing her head and relishing the feeling of her body in his arms, he hummed in uncertainty. “Well, all I know is that I trust you, completely, and...we’ll get through this-”

 

“Together,” they spoke simultaneously, smiles finally cracking on both of their faces. 

 

How many times had she done this? Looked into those overwhelmingly blue eyes, an endless sea of love and comfort. How many times would it take for her to get over the shock of seeing that intense look of love and protection emitting from them? She figured never, and hoped she was right.

 

Titling her head up, she pressed her lips to his and let herself melt into him, their bodies melding just like their minds - one seamless fabric of Fitz and Simmons. 

 

The tiring life of S.H.I.E.L.D. would likely linger with them for eternity, but in this moment, in the warm cocoon of limbs and the wake of searing kisses trailed on open skin, they were okay with being a little tired, a little hurt, a little angry. A peace came over them as their limbs tangled together, promising them their mess of emotions would sort itself out as sleep promised a refreshing start in the morning.

  
He was Fitz and she was Simmons, and together, FitzSimmons would conquer the dangers of the world and continue discovering the beauties of one another, side by side. 

**Author's Note:**

> Endless thanks to Elyssa, writeonthrough, for digging through this wreck and making it loads better.


End file.
